Holding On to Her Dreams: Guest blogger Sharon Pastore shares her story
This post is part of a series about how dreams can support caregivers dealing with Alzheimer’s Disease and other forms of dementia. Start here to read more.
When it was time to make a big decision on dementia care, dreams stepped in
by Sharon Pastore, Guest Blogger
for All the Snooze That’s Fit to Print
I’d discovered I could rely on my dreams for information and comfort after my mother’s passing 9 years ago. This time, with my dad, I decided I’d get ahead of the curve. I would intentionally use dreams to guide me through my father’s battle with dementia.
Many dreams flooded my subconscious, yet, two significantly impacted how I approached biggest decisions for my dad’s care.
In the early stages, I was begging dad to see a neurologist. He refused to get an MRI scan done. At the time he was diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment, or just some serious senior moments. He was still driving, paying his bills, and bowling on Tuesdays.
I could feel the strain in our otherwise close relationship. I had a strong need to make sure he knew he had dementia, so he would understand why I was doing the things I was doing for him. I didn’t want him to be angry with me.
Then I had the first dream I call the “The Spell.”
In the dream, I see my father sitting in a chair. He asks me, “Sharon, did you put a spell/hex on me?” I instantly drop to my knees crying uncontrollably, my head on my dad’s knee, gripping it, as if begging for forgiveness. “No dad, I didn’t!” I wake very upset, but something shifted.
Only in my dream, did I first experience the feelings of true surrender that needed to occur. This dream shifted my focus from proving he had dementia (almost like a daughter proving she was right) to becoming officially labeled “caregiver.”
Dreams spell it all out
I still marvel at the cleverness of the dream to use the word “spell” with it’s double-meaning of some kind of curse, but also meaning that with dementia he would no longer be able to spell. It also helped me to see that I was “coming to grips,” as I grabbed his leg in the dream.
The second dream was even more powerful because I incubated it, or decided while awake that I wanted to have a dream about something specific. I wanted guidance to help me make the decision of whether to move dad to an assisted living facility.
During the middle stages of his illness, dad was super resistant to moving but couldn’t tell us why. He just kept bursting with statements such as, “I’m not going there!”
The pain of thinking that I was sending my father to a place where he would be scared out of his mind was heart-wrenching for me. How could I just send him off to some nursing home to be neglected? What kind of selfish daughter am I?
To incubate the dream, I asked, “Dad, tell me what’s best for you?” as I fell asleep.
That very night I dreamed we had a full-blown conversation.
He told me very coherently that the threat of not having enough long-term care benefits to cover the cost of his care was his biggest worry.
See, my dad had a career in accounting for 40 years, so it made perfect sense that, had he been in his right mind, he would have been thinking about how he would afford his care.
The next day, I wrote a letter to Dad explaining how we were going to transition him to the assisted living facility. In the letter I used the word Threat, and I stressed the idea that he was not safe alone in his house. I assured him that he had enough money, his long-term care benefits would be enough, and that I was proud of how well he planned for his retirement and long-term care. I was guided as I wrote by his words in the dream.
The letter seemed to really help him understand, as I felt I used his own words that he could not express in the waking state – to comfort him. And I felt comforted and reassured that this is what he would want. There were no regrets, because we did get to talk about it and I did get to follow his wishes.
Nowadays, in the later stages. Dad still smiles at me with adoration when I talk to him, and he laughs, too. But I can count on one hand the number of full sentences I hear when I visit. Usually about 3.
I’m so grateful for my dreams to guide me as my dad makes his way toward the end of life and safely to the other side.
Sharon Pastore, MPA, CDP is an entrepreneur, educator and avid dreamer. She founded a local dream group, Dreamgirls, in 2013 and has been published in Chicken Soup for the Soul: Dreams and Premonitions and Dreams that Change Our Lives. Sharon also conducts workshops on intuitive decision-making and tapping into creativity. She studied with the Institute for Dream Studies and graduated as a Certified Dream Professional in 2017. Visit Sharon at dreamgirlpower.com
SHARE YOUR STORY: If you’d like to be a guest blogger here at All the Snooze That’s Fit to Print, and share your story of how dreams helped you as a caregiver for someone with dementia or Alzheimer’s disease, contact me with your email address to receive submission guidelines. If your story fits with our series, we’ll let you know!
Today’s post is part of a series on Dreams and Alzheimer’s.
To read the series from the beginning:
START HERE.
Also read:
The Case of the Missing Bed Sheets.
For TIPS FOR CAREGIVERS: CLICK HERE.
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Forgotten Dreams
Tapping into the Power of Sleep and Dreams for Caregivers of People with Dementia and Alzheimer’s (E-Book)
Dreams can coach and comfort caregivers, and offer new perspectives, creative solutions, and spiritual strength and meaning through what might otherwise feel like a devastating ordeal. In Forgotten Dreams Tzivia shares her story of helping her mother through Alzheimer’s, along with easy to follow tips and techniques that will help caregivers of people with dementia:
* Sleep better and find moments of rest in stressful times
* Learn to recall and record dreams
* Discover how all dreams, even nightmares, can be tapped for help, health, and spiritual and emotional healing
Tzivia is passionate about using her research on sleep, dreams and mindfulness to help others reap the benefits she has experienced from living in harmony with her dreams. The gifts she offers in Forgotten Dreams will help families and loved ones of those with Alzheimer’s Disease and dementia to sleep more soundly and use their nighttime dreams for support and guidance–so they can find meaning and even joy, even in deeply challenging times.
Order your copy of Forgotten Dreams now. E-book, 44 pages, $2.99
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My brother James hopes to raise $6,000 for the Alzheimer’s Association when he participates in the 2018 Walk to End Alzheimer’s, September 23, 2018. It’s a lofty goal for an individual participant, but I know he can do it … with our help! Please DONATE to Jim’s walk to help stop Alzheimer’s Disease. Do it in honor of our mother, Sharon’s dad, and for all of the people you know and love who have been affected by this disease.
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