And then…a dream restored me to myself

Before bed, I wrote in my journal: “It’s late, autumn is slipping in through the cracks, and I am spinning into existential angst.” I was worried about the state of the world, and impatient with the perennial re-appearance of nightmares, like the one I titled “Danger at the Door” in my dream journal that morning. “Will I get used to this?” I asked who- or what-ever receives the questions I drop into my journal, the way a child drops pennies into a fountain. I closed my notebook and fell quickly and deeply asleep.

But not for long. I woke just after 4 a.m. and lay awake for an hour or more. And then, as is often the case, my pre-dawn insomnia was rewarded. When I finally drifted into sleep, the darkness was filled with lucid and numinous dreams. 

I titled my quartet of brief, bold, and bright dreams, “Joy, Beauty, Love, and Gratitude,” as each was embedded with one of those four qualities. Sometimes I’m stunned silly by the call-and-response between the lines I set down in my journal and the scenarios that light up my consciousness when I close my eyes. My hopelessness was soothed by a series of vignettes that literally enlivened me.  Whether or not I’d remembered those dreams, I may have swum up that morning from the cool, clear waters of the well, into the blue-sky sweetness of a new day.

Yes, sleep is meant to be restorative. We all know that. But I love that, as a conscious dreamer, sometimes I get these dazzling moments on the pillow when I not only experience the return of resiliency, but I get a glimpse into the machinery that manufactures it. I get to witness the dream that returns me to myself; that answers the wish I dropped into the darkness, almost without noticing.

All rights reserved © 2021 Tzivia Gover, Third House Moon, LLC

Offering Dreaming on the Page classes online and individual dreamwork sessions.

Author of The Mindful Way to a Good Night’s Sleep a book about sleep, dreams, and waking well.

Featured Image by Jeremy Thomas on Unsplash